Greetings Darlings!

It is I, Lady Potamus! This morning, I am going to relate a small incident that occured to me some years ago.

There I was, stumbling down West 45th Street in Manhatten when suddenly I heard the sickening sound of screeching tires and crunching metals nearby! I ran around the corner when, what should I see, but what was, no doubt, once a nice red car. Stumbling out of the car, his face a bloody pulp, was none other Montgomery Clift, famed actor of stage and screen!

Well, he took one look at my horrified expression and passed out right there in the middle of the street! I knew that he didn't have long to live if I didn't take immediate action, so I immediatly started performing CPR on him. Alas, his face was so bloodied that I dared not press my lips to his.

Fortunately, I had learned of a way to actually inflate the lungs of a man through his genitals, so I launched into a full blown round of mouth to crotch resesitation.

Soon, he was breathing again, and moaning too. Doctors told me that my quick action and fantastic tongue work had not only brought him back to life, but given him the will to survive.

That's all! Drink up, sweeties!

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