Hello Dearies!

Lady Potamus here! Well, dawn will soon break and it has been an eventful night, so I just thought I would tell you all about it!

It started at a post-Grammy party several days ago. I had just finished writing my update about the Grammys, as a matter of fact, when the phone rang. It was none other than Simon LeBon, lead singer of the 80's rock sensation, Duran Duran.

Of course, the name Duran Duran came from the movie "Barbarella," staring Jane Fonda. Jane left Ted Turner and is single now. Men, hold onto your wallets! Ladies, hold onto your men.

So Simon called me and asked me if I wanted to go to a post-Grammys bash. I said "Simon, you old tart! You weren't even at the Grammies!"

"The is a post 1985 Grammys party," the clever bloke replied.

Well, I certainly couldn't argue that, so the next thing I knew, Simon was driving by my place in his Miata. It was a two seater, and both seats were occupied. The driver's seat by Simon, and the passenger seat by none other than Cory Hart, best known for his hit "Sunglasses as Night."

I couldn't just ride in the trunk - I am a dignified older lady - so I decided to immediatly straddle Cory, as Simon sped off down my lengthy driveway. Cory's stunned expression led me to think that he might not be in to the whole "Harold and Maude" thing and, to tell the truth, he was a good deal older than Harold. I would say this was a Mrs. Robinson thing, but, truth to tell, I am a good deal older than Mrs. Robinson.

I digress.

To make a long story short, I decided I wasn't going to be getting any action from Mr. Hart, so I just gave Simon a hand job as we were driving. He made some droll "stick shift" jokes, but I can't remember them at the moment.

As we rounded a particularly treacherous curve, Simon lost control of his passion and his car. We flew off the road and before I even had time to wipe my forearm clean, we had smashed into a tree. The driver's side airbag deployed, saving Simon, and, fortunately for Cory, my roundish body was between him and the dashboard. Alas, I received the brunt of the 60mph impact on my posterior. Fortunately, years of avoiding the gym and good genetics basically provided me with all the protection I needed.

This is just the sort of event that gets turned into an episode of "Behind the Music" and I respect both of these artists far too much to allow that to happen to them. Thus, I encouraged them to run off into the night, then moved myself behind the stearing wheel. I poured my martini all over my body so I would be stinking with alchohol when the authorities arrived.

Well, fortunately, the police officers believed me when I told them I was driving drunk, then reduced the charges to illegal possession of an unlicensed weapon after I used my own particular method of close, personal persuasion. The weapon? Well, if I told you that this update would verge on the pornographic.

Anyhow, they released me after a few happy days on my own recognisance, so drink up!

And Simon, if you read this, hire a chauffer next time! You of all people!

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