Hello Sweeties!

Well, it was one of the music industry's biggest nights tonight! Yes, The Grammys were held somewhere in America. I no longer keep track of where for fear that even thinking of the location will summon the two Rivers women to my home, where they will descend like locusts into my walk-in closet.

Anyhow, it is my understand that Alicia Keys won a Grammy for Best New Artist I would like to take this opportunity to take a quick looksie at some of the past winners of the Best New Artist Grammy, courtesy of Rock on the Net:

2001: Shelby Lynne
2000: Christina Aguilera
1999: Lauryn Hill
1998: Paula Cole
1997: LeAnn Rimes
1996: Hootie & The Blowfish
1995: Sheryl Crow
1994: Toni Braxton
1993: Arrested Development
1992: Marc Cohn
1991: Mariah Carey
1990: Milli Vanilli (revoked)
1989: Tracy Chapman
1988: Jody Watley
1987: Bruce Hornsby & The Range
1986: Sade
1985: Cyndi Lauper
1984: Culture Club
1983: Men At Work
1982: Sheena Easton
1981: Christopher Cross
1980: Rickie Lee Jones
1979: A Taste Of Honey
1978: Debby Boone
1977: Starland Vocal Band
1976: Natalie Cole
1975: Marvin Hamlisch
1974: Bette Midler
1973: America
1972: Carly Simon
1971: The Carpenters
1970: Crosby, Stills & Nash
1969: Jose Feliciano
1968: Bobbie Gentry
1967: ---
1966: Tom Jones
1965: The Beatles
1964: The Swingle Swingers
1963: Robert Goulet
1962: Peter Nero
1961: Bob Newhart

I am sure that there are two questions flying through your mind right now:

1) Where are most of these artists now?

2) Bob Newhart?

Well, let us travel back in time to the 1961 Grammy Awards. The thing I remember most vividly is when Ernest Gould won his Best Song award for the "Theme From Exodus." I remember this well because Best Pop Singer of the year Ray Charles and I had just finished a drug laden "glory hole" experience to the strains of that very song.

When I stumbled into the auditorium, my dress tucked partially into my support hose, I saw a balding little comic, Mr. Newhart. I hadn't heard any of his routines yet, but was aware he was up for "Best New Artist." Frank Sinatra, who was my date for the evening and the previous year's Best Pop Vocal winner, introduced me to Bob and told me what he was nominated for.

"Why don't you sing something from your album, Bobby!" I cried.

Well, Bob stammered a little bit, but Frank turned red with rage. He punched me so hard in the stomach that I regurgitated my lunch (and the contents of my stomach from my encounter with Mr. Charles) all over the young comedian. Ah, Frank apologized to Bob profusely, but by this time they were reading the winner of the Best New Artist category.

Frank yelled "Hold it, Zsa Zsa," to the presenter and stormed the podium

The audience burst into thunderous applause as the great man mounted the stage (and later, Zsa Zsa, if rumor is to be believed).

"I would like to read the winner," he said.

Well, nobody argued with Sinatra in those days! He took the envelope and threw it aside.

"I don't need to look at this. We all know who the winner should be. My good friend, Bob Newhart!"

A smattering of applause burst into thunderous applause after Sinatra shot "the look" out to the crowd. Bob was speechless, but made a speech anyways.

Later, he thanked me in the only way I would accept.

He is a funny, funny man and can make a woman "laugh" into the wee hours of the morning, if you know what I mean. And I think you do.

Now drink up!

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