Today I am filled with biterness and hatred towards everything around me. This happens from time to time and I have found I have two choices:

1) Masturbate Furiously

2) Focus all the hatred in my shriveled little black heart and something in specific.

Well, I am all out of hand lotion and kleenex, so it is time to direct a big fuck you at modern art.

First, modern art is stupid because it is no longer modern. Art that is modern in the sense that it was recently made is called "Contemporary" or sometimes "Post-Contemporary." Sometimes even "Post-Modern." I hope I don't have to explain to you how incredibly stupid it is to classify anything that isn't actually modern as modern, but that how it is in the art world.

The basic thing about most modern art is that it was meant to somehow express ideas instead of images. For instance, the work of Piet Mondrian (most famous work: The Partridge Family Bus) is based on the idea of working life down into straight lines and square fields of yellow, red and blue.

Ignoring the fact that a third grader with some tape and construction paper could create exactly the same works of "art," at least this is more interesting than the most famous work of Kasimir Malevich, titled White on White. Basically, this is a square of white on another square of white. The thing that makes this painting great, as near as I can figure, is that you can see the square of white on the square of white.

Still, there is the work of Ed Harris' favorite painter, Jackson Pollock. Pollock discovered that if you dribble paint around on a canvas you can sell it and make lots of money. Later, he left his wife for Jennifer Connolly, so at least he had that going for him.

The problem with all of this is the fucking "art for arts sake" attitude. I hang around with artists and they all think that the public owes it to them to come and see their stupid plays and dances or buy their stupid paintings. The idea that they should try to do something that people might actually want to see or buy has been completely pushed out of their heads by too many years in college.

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