Teatro Triste del Clown

Reprinted from Chickenlegs.net - 9/28/02

I try to be pretty open minded about different fetishes. I realize people all like different things. For example, some people get really turned on by feet. Personally, the idea of a foot, even a clean foot on an attractive person, anywhere near my mouth makes me feel a little sick. However, feet have always had something of an allure in certain cultures and among certain individuals. Thus, I can accept that perverts totally normal people are turned on by feet.

There are some fetishes that defy understanding though. Thanks to The Portal of Evil, I am able to find lots of these fetishes first hand. I don't even need to search very hard. I don't recomend actually visiting any of these sites. Thus, without any further ado, I present my list of fetishes that disturb me.

• Amputee Porn. I am liberal enough to believe that amputees deserve to have an active, normal sex life. I admit that this is an irrational fear, but I sometimes worry that men who are hot for amputee women will someday try and (ahem) make their own. Maybe it was from watching Boxing Helena.
  
  
• Four Armed Elf Sex. At the other end of the "number of limbs continuum" are people who apparently have fetishes for elves with multiple limbs. Since science hasn't advanced enough to graft extra arms on people, devotees make erotic 3-d pictures of them. Well, at least four of them. This gallery is part of a larger gallery of 3-D Elf Porn. Hey! There's even an elf porn pay site!
  
  
• Swallowing. Apparently, there are men who like the idea of being swallowed by a giant woman. I mean whole body swallowed. You knew that, of course.
  
  
• Fisting. Hey! Not work safe! The best part of this site is that you can get a casting of the fist of the site's star in case you would like to stick it up your own butt. Apparently, there are men who like to stick their fists in women, too. Fisting has baffled me for so long that I've given up even trying to understand.
  
  
• Scat. This is a great site where you can shop for all your Japanese poop video needs. I realize that Sheila is famous for her poop diary, but she's being funny. _{I think.}
  
  
• Super Model Alien Torture Snuff Rape. I quote the immortal Eric Cartman, "this is some pretty fucked up shit right here." I must have been naive, but as recently as last week, I really didn't think there were snuff themed porn sites out there. Boy oh boy was I wrong. If you do a very little bit of searching you can find some majorly sick shit on the Interweb. This particular link is comparably tame. If you find yourself wanking to it, though, consider psychiatric help immediatly. Dude, this site actually makes me upset - seriously. I want to vomit, but I won't, because vomit also turns some people on.
  

I am trying not to pass judgement on people who get off on any of this stuff, but sweet and sour cripsy Jesus! These people make me sick!

Man, I am going to have to stick an airhose up my butt and inflate my stomach now. Don't laugh. It feels sooooo good.