Hello All!

Well, it has been a rough few months in celebrity death-land. The latest victim was none other than TLC's Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. Now, I remember her most for the condom she used to wear in the frames of her glasses. She went the same way that that other safe sex affecianado, Linda Lovelace went, while driving a car.

"But Lady Potamus," you shout, "Linda Lovelace was a porn star! How can you say she was into safe sex!"

Well, children, back in my day, the best way to avoid getting pregnant was to orally pleasure your male partner. If you got their John Thomas into your mouth before they got it anywhere else, they would roll over and fall asleep when you were done. Mind you, this was in the day before men discovered that women could have orgasms, too, but that is an entirely different rant.

Of course, we also had something called "the other safe sex," but the men always liked that more than we did and I hated having to feel like I needed a diaper. I think you catch my gist.

I confess, I don't keep up with modern music much, so I have no idea what TLC sang. As a matter of fact, my virgin grand-niece had to explain to me that TLC and TRL were not the same thing. Apparently, they covered the classic 'Aint to Proud to Beg.' Mick Jagger's version of that one with his little band was always my favorite.

I am in little danger of getting killed in a car accident for two major reasons:

1) I don't drive and rarely get into a car.

2) I've made a deal with Lucifer.

I hope you are all doing well! Kisses, Loves! Have some sherry and tell them I drove you to it!

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Greetings Darlings!

I am so drunk. I am so very, very, very drunk. I can't recall the last time I was this drunk. Frankly, I can't recall anything at all right now. I can't recall when I had my first drink tonight. I can't recall the name of the nude gentleman on my divan, or the name of the pantless lad passed out in my boudoir. I can't recall where my support bra is, and I am in bad need of support.

Based on the fact that my tongue feels like it is covered with swarming red ants, I suspect I was drinking something stronger than beer, but weaker than whiskey. Whiskey makes my tongue feel like it has been pierced with long acupuncture needles. Beer can't make me this drunk, and I am very, very drunk.

I just turned on the television set and was thrilled to see my favorite Cinemax actress, Shannon Tweed. Now, I have never had the pleasure of meeting Ms. Tweed, but if I ever did and I was drunk as I am now, be assured that I would spend a good quarter of an hour passed out between her ample bosoms. I would sing, "I shall Walk Through thr Valley," but my proximity to her sternum would result in my sounding like some sort of wookie.

Well, I had better start preparing my hangover remedy - I am mainlining viagra. It seems to do me good.

Love to love you, babies!

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